Last night, in the shower (where I do my best thinking. Every A+ essay I have ever written was first conceived in the shower) it occurred to me that everything wrong in my life is because of money. The title of this post could lead someone to believe I attribute problems to having too much money. That would not be correct. I never have enough and it effing sucks. I will explain this obvious fact that almost every person knows to be true through a few examples.
Example one: My parents were cheap based on not enough money and it got me picked on.
This is straightforward. I wanted cool clothes. I especially wanted cool clothes early in middle school when doc martins and tommy Hilfiger were on trend. Would my mother buy me doc martins and tommy Hilfiger jeans for me to grow out of in a few months? Nope. Why? Because they worked their butts off and had to feed two kids and pay bills and fix all the crap we broke and there was never enough money to blow a hundred dollars on a twelve-year-old girls pants. My mother, however, came up with a solution. We could find the stuff I wanted at the bargain box, a local thrift store somewhat like a low rent goodwill. I did in fact find a pair of tommy Hilfiger jeans that fit me, which I wore with my knockoff Wal-Mart version of doc martins and a cool shirt I found there which was red with a half zipper from the collar, which had the added bonus of a beaded zipper pull that said something like “love” or “peace”. The exact word escapes me, but it was cool, I promise. Anyway. I wore this cool outfit to school expecting it to catapult me from eating in the library into getting lots of notes from boys asking me to check yes or no to being their girlfriend. It may be a shock to know, but that is not what happened. What happened is that I built my totally cool outfit from the cast offs of a very popular force of nature tween girl. A tween girl who very publically laughed at me and announced to anyone in a 15-foot radius that I looked good in the clothes she donated to the bargain box. I of course, was mortified and had to go home after school that day and fold up my thrift store Tommy Hilfiger jeans and not wear them again and try to explain to my mom why I didn’t like my new jeans anymore.
Example two: I changed the course of my life to afford college.
I was not an academic all-star. I did however manage to secure in-state tuition through a legacy scholarship and a bonus scholarship covering more of my tuition and books and had a tidy sum set aside by my grandparents and parents in a college fund (scrimped by buying me thrift store jeans and Wal-Mart shoes, no less) all of which allowed me to attend a university with the reasonable expectation that I would get through it all debt free. I was, in short, pretty dang lucky. As someone who did not do a lot of partying in high school (I attended I think two? Maybe 3? And not really sure I was wanted at any of them) I thought partying was suuupppeeerrr cool my freshman year of college. I would dress super slutty, drink a lot of cheap vodka, and sleep through a lot of my classes. I have a friend Chris who I shared a math class with freshman year and also went to a lot of parties with who did not realize the hung-over idiot flunking algebra was the same girl who was at his parties. That is the kind of mess I was. It is no surprise that after two semesters of putting zero effort in academically and drinking like it was going out of style I was put on academic probation and was very near to losing my instate tuition and had already lost my book stipend. The realization that rent, tuition and my booze habit all needed to be supported let me to decide to join the national guard and secure myself an uncle-Sam scholarship to finish my education. I did just so in the span of about 3 days, and shipped off for basic training after fall semester. I will make a disclaimer now that I am not unhappy with what this decision has done for my life, I am just well aware of the significant impact it had that I did not anticipate at 19.
In a snapshot, this decision to make sure I had money led to a few clear deviations from the plan. One, I am semi-estranged from my college friends. The folks who I bonded with in the first few years had all graduated and moved on and made amazing memories together while I was in basic, AIT, re-classing, and then deployed. I was, through training and other duties absent for nearly 3 full years. I finished school later and made a few friends the second time around so to speak, but it has always stood out to me when my early college friends and I are all together that they have loads of memories that I was not a part of and I feel like a bit of an outsider. Two, I missed weddings, funerals, and many important moments. Simply put, one of my best friends got married, another graduated from college, and I missed it all. I wish I could have been there, and they send me graduation announcements and wedding invites which softened the blow, but I will never have those memories, and many days I wish I had been there to see their big moments. Three, I would be at a different point in my career, and probably, have more money. I started my career later, because I finished college later, because I spent a lot of time away from college to pay for college. Sometimes this makes me very resentful. Then my mom reminds me I did some cool shit instead.
Final example: YOU CAN NEVER GET AHEAD WHEN YOU ARE BEHIND
I was unemployed for a good portion of the last two years and fell behind in the money game. Depleted savings, hat to put things on a credit card, and I have made many an excel spread sheet planning exactly how I am going to scrimp and save and get back to a comfortable financial place. It seems however, that adulthood and good finances are at constant odds. Every time I think I am getting caught up, something happens to derail the plan. Never sexy-cool somethings. It isn’t like I go on a great trip to Jamaica. Nope. I buy a new appliance to replace a broken one, or this week a Gd new garage door due to a poorly placed piece of freaking Tupperware. I get hurt and have to pay medical bills or my adorably dumb dog gets hurt and I have to pay her medical bills. Being an adult is a never-ending list of things that aren’t cool that you should probably spend money on before things that are cool. No one told me this as a child but I probably should have figured it out when I was bought hand-me-down Tommy Hilfiger’s.
The one redeeming money situation in my life: No student loans. Thank the lawd.
Because I want to 